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i can't believe an article about jeff dunham moved me to write a post, yet here we are.

last year, comedy central showed a jeff dunham christmas special constantly. i really didn’t think about it. not true - my only thought was, “huh. that dude’s still chugging along.” throughout this year, when there was an hour to fill, comedy central ran some other jeff dunham special. my thought then was usually, “wow, really?” then i’d change the channel.

jeff dunham has been around seemingly forever. that may or may not be true. i just know that i’m an old(er) lady and i’ve seen him on late night TV for quite some time. so when i saw the first commercials touting his new comedy central series, i figured that sounded about right.

now, i’m no jeff dunham fan. i don’t really get the ventriloquist thing. i’m sure as a kid i probably laughed at willie tyler & lester or waylon flowers & madonna - oops, i mean, waylon flowers & madame. but i prefer my puppets to be independently thinking creatures that rent apartments in NYC in the 70’s. but, like i said, dunham’s been around forever and i’ve seen his set, so i recognized the old man puppet or the weird purple one.

i didn’t remember the old black man puppet. or the skeleton with a fucking turban.

dunham is EVERYWHERE right now. the premiere episode of “the jeff dunham show” set a comedy central record of 6.5 million viewers. he was on “30 rock” last week as a representative of the blue collar comedian who gives as good as he gets to those liberal comedy snobs. (that particular “30 rock”, by the way, was one of the weakest ones i’ve ever seen - i HATE that it’s named after my hometown.)

this morning i read an article about him in the new york times sunday magazine. i know that when something about pop culture gets a feature in the NYT, it’s the equivalent of explaining MySpace to your grandparents, but i thought this piece was a little harsh…at first.

For weeks, Dunham’s handlers had been stressing to me how “multigenerational” his audience is…I was hard pressed to find a phrase to describe even a majority. Maybe “not thin.”

ouch, right? the disdain with which the author describes dunham’s fans cheering outside of his bus seeped through my monitor.

so, my initial reaction was, “yo. i can’t really knock the hustle. dude’s been out there grinding. if his fans want to buy ‘peanut’ pajamas, let ‘em at it.” and in a way, i’m proud of myself - i’ve been a haterade-oholic for most of my life. usually my first response to anything like this is, “fuck that dude/bitch.”

then i read this:

Dunham does concede that he’s extra-sensitive to one of his largest constituencies: the conservative “country crowd.” “That’s why I don’t pick on basic Christian-values stuff,” he told me. “Well, I also don’t like to, because that’s the way I was brought up.” He then stopped himself short and said: “Oh, boy. I’m walking into something here.”

Dunham started to explain — as if realizing it for the first time — that this would appear to make the jokes he does about Islam with Achmed “hypocritical.” But he quickly unburdened himself of the idea. “I try to make the majority of my audience laugh,” he said. “That’s my audience. They’ll laugh at the dead terrorist.”

whiskey. tango. foxtrot.

so, yeah. fuck that dude.

look, the show is bad - but we knew that going in, right? that should not have been a surprise. and that it captured so many eyes - okay, that’s a little bit of a surprise, but i didn’t realize he’s been selling out 10,000 seat venues (!).

i say, let him keep doing what he’s doing, because right now, he’s obviously the man. and my favorite kind of comedy sticks it to the man.

11/01/2009 20:46
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i know - you told us that you wouldn't stop.

american “entertainer” sean “puffy” combs puff daddy p.diddy has formed a new band with dawn (the last danity kane standing) and some other chick. it’s called DIRTY MONEY. i saw a video of dawn justifying her (admittedly hot) haircut by saying that this new music is a totally different take on what’s out there & it’s in a different headspace and that’s why diddy demanded that she cut out all of the weave that he demanded that she put in in hair. so what is this mindblowing next-level shit?

apparently, p.diddy just discovered trip hop. welcome to 1996, sean combs!

by the way, doody (see what i did there?) - don’t think i didn’t notice that you signed the excellent janelle monae to your label then swagger-jacked her haircut for your girls. boo.

in other news, this happened.

09/25/2009 12:35
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i can't believe this matters so much to me.

but it does.

Emmys 2009 last night. as far as the show’s production went, i was pretty happy with it. i had faith in neil patrick harris’ ability and i approve of the grouping of genres. i got to fix some food during the reality show section, so there was that. i also approve of using john hodgman for totally fake color commentary for the winners. that was hilarious (in his bone dry way).

this year i even watched the red carpet coverage. usually i can’t handle that crap, but i was bored. lucky for me, real housewife of atlanta nene leakes was providing some fashion commentary with jay manuel. turns out, if you’re not rocking it like nene, she’s not a fan. so all that understated glamour that “fashion” people go on and on about? not really feeling it, boo-boo. nene was looking for that elusive BAM! factor (which i think means big boobs spilling out of a jewel-tone dress).

here are my award-winning tweets on the red carpet coverage:

four minutes into red carpet coverage and i’m ready to choke a bitch. glam-cam 360? oy. #emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

rob lowe’s good looks must skip a generation.#emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

COLBERT FTW. wearing that tux, boo.#emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

“debra messing - i would expect her to look fly.” nene leakes, ladies & gentlemen. #emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

rainn wilson to jon hamm: the trajectory of my taste in men personified. #emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

nene is not impressed. step it up, hollywood!!#emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

“black girls don’t like vampires. that’s a white girl thing.”#neneisthetruthandthelight #emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

nene’s lipstick is tragic but what’s coming out of those lips is amazing. #emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

i think we all know how i feel about that red carpet moment. jon stewart + tux = *brain explodes* #emmyredcarpetmatchesthedrapes

yeah, so NPH killed it with the opening song, which means it will probably win an emmy next year. this award shows winning awards is L-A-M-E. especially when it keeps deserving statues out of the mouth of stephen colbert.

sigh. talk about deep dark bittersweet moments. i really wanted TCR to take one home this year - he puts on a hell of a show. but i was also thrilled that TDS won a couple. i mean, as much as i love colbert, the purely visceral reaction i had to seeing jon stewart in person was kind of scary. whoa, TMI!

anyway, colbert had the funniest red carpet moment. also, i can’t wait to read the TDS/TCR fan fiction that comes out of last night’s events.

here are my award-winning tweets on the show itself:

just found out stewart/colbert AREN’T scheduled to present an award. i’m crafting a letter to my congressman RIGHT NOW.

but john hodgman is doing the award show voice over? i’m okay with that.

NPH killed it. point blank. (he’s not at the conan o’brien in 06 level yet, but the night is young.) #emmy

um, okay, this shit is kind of hip. #emmyssteppingitup#anythingsbetterthanlastyear

i may not be happy w/the winners so far, but i’m impressed by NPH & the show. #emmys #ofupmostimportance

the way this show is going, i think lauren graham could have won for “gilmore girls.” #emmys #mystomachainttheonlythingupset

ah, white shadow’s got jokes. #emmys

we need to step up our miniseries production. only two nominees? #emmys

boo-yow. #emmys #tds

true confession: i laughed during the fallon bit. #emmys#dontjudgeme

boo-yow 2. #emmys #tds (colbert, my arms are open for comforting you.)

who do i call to get john @hodgman to supply color commentary for my life? #emmys #adorkable

sarah mclaughlin can sing this at awards shows for the rest of her life & make a good living. #emmys

also, the editor of the “in memoriam” piece must’ve been working ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT this year. #emmys #deathcount

i can’t believe i’ve been tweeting about this crap for 5 hours. and i still have to watch mad men tonight. #emmys#commitmenttosparklemotion

i’m sure this makes a lot more sense if you watched the show - and i know there’s nothing lamer than reading somebody’s tweets. but i gotta update this tumblr with something.

09/21/2009 11:28
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finally.

i just did my first standup set at the Star Bar open mic and i have to be completely honest with you - i think it went well. i feel really good about it. once i finished, a couple of regulars rushed my table as soon as i sat down & offered to buy me drinks and the host asked for another round of applause for it being my first time and being so awesome and two other comedians stopped me to compliment my set, so….yeah. it went well.

the 15-year-old shalewa just took a deep breath and said, “finally.”

09/08/2009 00:12
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what a cackle.

so i went to see “the colbert report” and “the daily show” last week and i had a blast. in fact, there’s proof that i had a blast - even though i was in or near the rear of the audience, my ridonkulous laugh still made it on tape. in fact, my ridonkulous laugh got me called out by the warm up comedians at both shows. it led to the warm up guy at TDS to strike up a conversation & touch my hair.

no, i didn’t get any face time with stewart or colbert (gimme a break - like i’d still have the ability to type if i had), but i did meet wyatt cenac at an open mic thing in brooklyn and he was quite nice.

anyhoo, i’ve compiled my laff trax for you. all of these bits are funny, but i’ve given you the timestamps in case you’re chomping at the bit to hear me bray.

listen closely at 1:56.

listen closely at 3:51.

listen closely at 1:51.

listen closely at 0:09.

08/24/2009 13:59
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whistle while you wait forever for a southbound train.

yesterday a guy jumped onto the MARTA train tracks. he did this around 5pm and basically fucked up public transportation’s rush hour. you don’t want to fuck up MARTA’s rush hour - transferring from the train to the bus in a timely enough fashion to get home within an hour is a delicate procedure. get delayed by 6 minutes and you’re screwed.

as i waited on the peachtree city platform, i cobbled together a quick playlist on the ol’ zune. there was no particular theme in mind - i just wanted stuff that would make me smile and fight the urge to scream. it worked wonders.

beirut - nantes
lonely island - boombox
lily allen - the fear
jenny toomey - your inarticulate boyfriend
jamie lidell - multiply
helium - medusa
grizzly bear - knife
fischerspooner - ersatz
built to spill - else
blonde redhead - anticipation
yoav - club thing
soul coughing - fully retractable
quasi - it’s hard to turn me on
nellie mckay - david

08/14/2009 16:01
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movits!

these guys will be on colbert tonight. i decided to check them out beforehand and i can’t stop listening to them. a coworker said they have NPR written all over them and he’s absolutely right. but you know what? i don’t have time to dig thru crates in record store (i mean that literally & online). i’m a busy lady and if NPR wants to bring the “hipness” directly to me, then i’ll let them. also, foreign rap music you can tap dance to? that’s all me, dude.

07/27/2009 18:30
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emmys2009

okay, this is kind of like my personal oscars, even though i don’t have the fancy cable that the lion’s share of nominees are pulled from. but i have opinions, dammit, so let’s get to them.

outstanding comedy series:
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Conchords
How I Met Your Mother
The Office
30 Rock
Weeds

i love the office & 30 rock a lot. A LOT. but 30 rock is going to become the frasier of the aught emmys if they continue at this rate (without the ratings, of course). i’m not complainin’, i’m just sayin’. also, family guy? really? huh. that could just be sour grapes talking - i guess i’m a bit peeved that during its’ prime the simpsons were never nom’d for best comedy. kudos to you & your manatees, seth macfarlane. finally, bret & jemaine - you won’t win this, but if you need a bosom to cry into, i’m here.

outstanding drama series:
Breaking Bad
Damages
Dexter
House M.D.
Lost
Mad Men
Big Love

okay, i don’t watch any of these shows. sorry! i’ll root for mad men cuz jon hamm in a suit gives me fever (and the set design is stellar) but except for the occasional house rerun on usa, i’m in the dark here. what can i say? i’m a crotchety old man who likes police procedurals.

outstanding actor in a comedy:
Jemaine Clement, The Flight of the Conchords
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Steve Carell, The Office
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

my mind has boggled at the shalhoub/sheen selections for years and if shalhoub gets it again - ugh. carell did excellent work with amy ryan (even if the show occasionally went off the rails) so my heart’s rooting for him. alec will probably take it, though. jemaine clement - you won’t win this, but that bosom offer still stands. any time. just call me.

outstanding actress in a comedy:
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Show
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Toni Collette, The United States of Tara
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

it’ll probably be tiny fey again, but i gotta tell you - i love christina applegate (no reason, i just do) and who knows? cancelled program + double mastectomy… i can only assume mary-louise parker is a great actress because i don’t like her character on weeds and i’d hate to think she’s like that all of the time. sarah silverman. if you know me, then you might know that i’m not big on sarah silverman. seeing her name on the list made my eyes roll so hard that my left retina hit the floor with a thud and rolled under my desk. in other words, boo.

outstanding supporting actor in a comedy:
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock
Rainn Wilson, The Office

rainn wilson is always excellent, but they had him doing some stupid stuff last season. it looks like jack mcbrayer’s year. neil, you deserve it if only for doogie howser md, but hey - not only are you nominated, you’re hosting the damn thing. don’t be greedy. (hey, where’s piven? that mercury poisoning actually did bite him in the ass.)

outstanding supporting actress in a comedy:
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

everybody loves kristen wiig, but i have found her shtick tiresome. and although i think jane krakowski does good work, amy poehler killed it weekly while pregnant.

i’m not even going to spend much time on actors/actresses for dramas, because i didn’t watch that crap. kidding - i’m sure it’s not all crap. but i will say this: mariska hargitay punctured a lung for SVU and jon hamm in a tux.

outstanding reality show host:
Tom Bergeron, Dancing with the Stars
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race
Heidi Klum, Project Runway
Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio, Top Chef
Jeff Probst, Survivor
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol

remember how all of the reality show host nominees hosted the emmys last year and it was the most painful thing you’ve even seen? god, that SUCKED. anyhoo, i love top chef, so padma & tom for me.

outstanding variety, music, or comedy series:
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Show With David Letterman
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

this is a big fat duh. or is it? yes, i love TDS and i love TCR. you’re gonna make me choose which one of my children i love more? bastards. okay, well…TDS has been winning in this category for a minute. i’d really like to see colbert get this one. there, i said it - are you happy now?

whew. just had to get that out. carry on with your day.

07/16/2009 12:59
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xoxo, it ain't.

okay, here’s my problem with NYC Prep, and it’s such a get-off-my-lawn complaint, but here it is:

i can’t tell any of the girls apart. there are about 3 or 4 brunettes and they all wear their hair exactly the same and they have the same inflections and the same wide, stupid eyes and the same coats and i JUST CAN’T TELL THEM APART. i had this same problem with Laguna Beach when it started (that time it was blondes); i couldn’t keep up with The Hills until they threw audrina (the brunette with the dead eyes) into the mix.

at least on Gossip Girl there’s a brunette (blair) and a blonde (serena). also, there’s a script, so i don’t have to listen to insipid real teenage conversations. i mean, there’s not one snappy wit at a private school? i had them in public school - a southern public school at that.

tangent. anyhoo, is it bad that my main complaint is that “they all look alike to me”? how would that sound if somebody was talking about the teen reality show on BET, Baldwin Hills? um, i might not be the one to answer that question; i didn’t watch Baldwin Hills because nobody seemed to know how to correctly light black people for film (i think our skin absorbs it).

there are other reasons that i can’t do NYC Prep - the aforementioned conversations, a case of deep “reality show” fatigue - but it pretty much boils down to not wanting to ask, “which one is that again?”

06/30/2009 22:48
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bet awards AKA black peoples awards 2009.

i watched the black peoples awards on bet last night and, like most voices screaming to be heard in the wind, i put my random thoughts about it on the twitter. you’re welcome.

if tonite’s BET awards don’t mention Billy Mays, i’m gonna be highly upset.

BET awards preshow kicks off with Hurricane Chris’ “She Fine (Halle Berry).” It’s just as stupid as you’re thinking. The dance is easy, tho.

don lemon’s covering the BET awards for CNN. eek - the world is watching.

ving rhames & nipsy hussle are making a movie together? i’m confused.

NEW EDITION! that’s what i’m talking about.

tyra. it’s been years. you can’t get your wig game tighter?

ne-yo nailed “lady in my life.”

snoop is no ron howard, mr. foxx. but i’ll let it go since you rolled out travis barker.

beyahweh’s performance would be touching if she wasn’t wearing “dynasty” lingerie and support hose. and that song’s for the animals.

taraji with the “baby boy” joke FTW.

if old skool hour doesn’t end with uncle charlie, last name wilson, i’m done.

monica’s a little bit amazing. i think i have a crush on her.

i know jeremy piven is a jerk, but…

jay-z couldn’t wear one glove? i’m just sayin’.

why i love BET: they answer age-old questions like “where the hell is tevin campbell?”

johnny gill’s voice is too big for that vessel.

“baby boy” jokes never get old. BET, maybe show another movie?

i was never a maxwell chick, but that suit has made me reconsider. so crisp!

so, this drake kid is the future? he gets the finale & kid cudi gets the crappy preshow? ah - the lil wayne factor.

AND I’M OUT! **drops mic, Sexual Chocolate-style**

06/29/2009 17:56
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