1. Maudlin song comes out
  2. Man thinks ‘not everyone will know its correct title’, whacks a differently named version of it online
  3. Maudlin song is hit single
  4. Man maybe gets about 12p off Spotify
  5. Maudlin song is performed on The X Factor months later
  6. Some people, incredibly, enjoy it, and go to iTunes to buy it
  7. Only not everyone knows its correct title
  8. SEO pop at its finest

Treatise about music in 2014 and The Death Of The Popstar* available on request**

*Yes I know A Great Big World are currently anonymous one-hit wonders of a kind that have always existed (maybe more anonymous though in some ways?) but this could well happen to anyone

**Not literally

(Also I should note this has happened countless times in the UK to songs that The People In Charge have held back for too long [which is most], but not so much ones readily purchasable.)

OKAY. at my former job at BigChampagne, we had to clean up, organize, and integrate date from a lot of sources. one of the sources was a site where anyone could sign up & post a song or songs and for a small fee (i think) the company would get it on itunes for you. i cannot TELL you how many times tracks like this would pop up in the feed. we would look up the tracks on itunes and listen to them. a lot of them were just people singing along poorly to the instrumentals. AND THEY SOLD. the reason we even got that data was because copies sold within the past few months. look closely before you add to cart, folks.

garlic. ginger. chicken/chicken stock. spinach. water. sea salt. black pepper. a little more garlic and ginger. and the secret ingredient - a prayer to the frugal gourmet.


Sorry im late

okay, this one made me laugh A LOT.

one of the most important things ol’ dude ever told me was that in most bodegas, bottled water is usually in one of the back fridges, on the bottom shelves. i love helpful hints for living in this city.

i just listened to all about that bass by meghan trainor for the first time last night and i stopped it halfway through to look for sean kingston’s beautiful girls. i can’t believe that i had to type out “all about that bass beautiful girls mashup” into google. i thought you knew me, googs. pairing trainor’s “f*ck all y’all that can buy off the rack at urban outfitters - some dude’s gonna like my thick ass” anthem with kingston’s poppy yet creepy ode to being “friend-zoned” is like pairing riesling with strawberry lemonade - it’s gonna get me dancing alone in my bedroom.

i swear if the dude on roller skates in underoos ever slid past me, i would freak out like he was 1984 era duran duran & straight chase him down the street. i am the teeniest bit obsessed with him right now. look at how he pushes off for that exit! he makes me love the internet.

today is my 5 year comedy anniversary. i’m celebrating by sitting in bed and eating all of the food that’s supposed to last me for two weeks.

five years. that’s crazy. did i see this continuing for five years? yes and no. no, because i’d never been a person who planned for anything. i treat comedy as one gig at a time. i have no idea what to expect from it. but yes, because my love for it made me - i dare say forced me to alter my life. i stepped outside of my comfort zone. i set goals and worked my ass off to achieve them. i moved from Security Lane in atlanta to Unsure Valley in brooklyn.

09/07/09 fell on labor day; i did my first comedy set at the star bar that night. though today is the actual day, i celebrated on this labor day by closing out the star bar and closing out my favorite place in athens, flicker bar, the following night. so many things have changed for me, but my love for performing comedy is still strong. i hope i’m able to ride it until the wheels fall off.

[photo courtesy of paige bowman. top: flicker bar, athens, ga, 09/02/14. bottom: star bar, atlanta, ga, 09/01/14.]

if my spirit animal had a signature scent…

[spotted at a duane reade drugstore in the financial district, on the most final clearance imaginable. i mean, when was this last manufactured? 1994? by now this must smell like vinegar and the housing crisis.]







"Anaconda" - Nicki Minaj 

Choreography by: Jeffrey Caluag & Dimitri Mendez

They went in

This gave me eternal life.

lol they go in at :38 though

that lone YAAAAAAASSSSS was probably me screaming from my bedroom watching this on tumblr.

those moves are ridiculously crisp.


From the valley of the missing
High lonesome
Bragging party just beginning 
Mythic, mythic, mythic men

oooooh. aaaaah.