sosure asked: "aaaand just like that, i'm back. oh, comedy." What took you out? What brought you back?

ah, what took me out. well, i wasn’t out completely - i just had a hardcore meltdown on the stage of the star bar in front of about 12-15 people. i have a lot on my brain (health issues with my mom, health issues with my dog, anger, stress, loneliness, depression, PMS, waxing full moon, lack of confidence in my life choices in general & my comedy in particular) and i’ve been stuffing it into a tiny ball somewhere under my diaphragm.

so i was bringing all of that to an extremely unorganized, oddly paced mess where i was asked to be the headliner 5 minutes before the show started. then the host asked the comic just before me to stretch a little; that guy did 35 minutes, leaving me with a 10 minute “headlining” set. i honestly thought i was okay with it until i hit the stage & started talking. i quickly realized that there was no way i could do comedy because everything coming out of my mouth was steeped in blind rage. i yelled at the audience, at the host, at myself. then, as i was looking on my note card for another joke to say, i made an executive decision. i put down the mic, walked off the stage, grabbed my bag, and walked out. i yelled over my shoulder to pay the guy who went before me because he earned it.

it was delightful.

i wasn’t too worried that i wouldn’t do comedy again. i was more concerned that i’d keep doing comedy and have more anger-fueled breakdowns and chalk it up to me entering my “hicks” period, only i wouldn’t notice that nobody was laughing. that would be worse than stopping.

luckily, i had an excellent set (and i hardly ever say that about my performances) at the laughing skull tuesday night, so i’m convinced/relieved that i won’t be entering my “angry” phase anytime soon.

[i should probably do something about the other shit in my life, though.]