just doing my bi-weekly okcupid “oh-yeah-i-have-this-thing” check. i picked a random guy from the “this person was checking you out!!” section (69% MATCH!!) and started to read his about me stuff. nothing exciting, run of the mill. then, THIS:

I know I am horrible - but, gals, I am not into FAT bodies unless U can talk without hilly-billy accent and are working out 8 hours a week, and it is not my personal fault that you are fat like a British pig before Christmas.
I can understand and enjoy a chubby girl that is working on her fitness. But life is already too short and I hate when somebody is wasting it covering itself with fat.

To add to the previous phrase: I’ve reviewed it dozen times, I thought about it and got to the conclusion: I do not like fat ladies thinking that they are attractive. May be they are to somebody, but not to me.

HOLY CRAP!! i can’t stop laughing. i haven’t even gotten to his favorite movies yet and he’s laying down the gospel according to [insert bizarre screen name here]. is he serious? of course he’s serious - he’s on a free online dating site. when you’ve decided to do that, you’re either super-serious or you’re a laff riot.

i had every intention of using okcupid (even though i’ve already deleted one profile). i even had a small exchange with a guy. we traded quips over the course of a few days. but then i tried to ask him what he did for fun and he turned it into a joke and i gave up. you don’t have to turn EVERYTHING into a joke, sir. i know you saw that i said i’m a comedian, but it’s not a competition.

i dunno, man. as much as i feel like there’s a good chance that i’ll be alone forever or that i’m too unattractive, i can’t put my faith into online dating sites. i’d like to think i haven’t exhausted all of my face-to-face possibilities.