is it cheesy for me to really really really really really like justin timberlake? it is?

I DON’T CARE.

1) when this song was released last week, most of the comments i saw were negative. “too old school” seemed to be the consensus. whatever, young folk. what did you want him to do, record one of those shitty knock-off dubstep pop songs? another complaint was that he was biting robin thicke’s steeze. if they meant both of them ripping off marvin gaye, then sure, i’ll give you that. but don’t worry - there’s enough room for plenty of “black sounding” white dudes. we as a people can handle it.

2) THOSE HORN BLASTS. and THAT ECHO-EY SNARE.

3) this video is basically porn for me. starting with a scruffy beard and ending with suits, all shot in black & white.

4) that gingham shirt/suit combo brought me to my knees. i was late to work over that shit.

5) have i explained DISNEY SWAG to you? it’s a term millie & i came up with to explain the preternatural hotness of some of these young men. i decided it’s due to them being trained in the Disney School of Forgotten Youth. that’s where they learn how to wear suits.

this DISNEY SWAG theory is based solely on timberlake, ryan gosling and (to a lesser extent) jesse mccartney.

6) you wearing that wedding ring, boy.

7) let me show you a few things. although, i’ve been mentally spelling that as “thangs,” so.

new video by jack white. and here is why this video is notable to me.

1) this is the first time i’ve ever considered jack white as a sexual being. i mean, not for ME, but as a person who might actually be interested in the sex. he has always seemed rather cartoonish to me - just a guy who loves the blues and his guitar and particular color schemes and building a mystery. and even having a video where beautiful women paw at him wasn’t gonna convince me otherwise. but there’s a shot (at 1:44) where a chick is giving him a standing lap dance or whatever and his hand briefly shoots out to support her and i thought, “holy crap. he has actually fucked someone before.” the rest of the video looked totally different to me after that point. and when i watched it a second time. and a third.

2) it’s a hype williams joint. if you want to prove to the world, or to a skeptical middle-aged woman in atlanta, that you’re interested in fucking - and your guitar solos aren’t doing the trick - you gotta get hype williams to direct your stuff. if you need girls draped all over you, he can get that done with his eyes closed. especially if your current color scheme is blue. nobody bathes you in blue light like hype. (bonus moment: jack white doing his best missy elliott/busta rhymes at 1:29.)

3) the cop at the end. i don’t want to spoil it for you by saying who it is, but let’s just say, good lawd. you can’t go wrong putting the sexiest mofo in your video.

4) the song’s pretty good, too.