cuz you know how it is when you run out to target to get some dog food and you take a couple of wrong turns because of traffic and the next thing you know, you find yourself in the napa valley?

Also note that I rate every profile I visit. I use this as a filter to judge whether or not a girl is interested - the site will notify both of us if we mutually rate each other 4 or 5. I will not bother attempting to contact anyone otherwise, as it might just be a waste of our mutual time. So do please rate my profile when you visit, especially if you’re interested. Also, if you rate me highly and I don’t initiate contact, it could be because you’re outside a reasonable range form me to travel, but you’re welcome to contact me if you think I’m not outside the reasonable range for *you* to travel.

who are these dudes on ok cupid?

i get it, guys. red tails. i need to see it - the fate of black cinema rests on me going to see a movie about a subject i have no interest in. [That doesn’t matter. Go see it. - Blackness Barometer Ed.]

i’m not hating to be hating. when george lucas went on the daily show and bluntly stated that all of the hollywood studios turned him down because they didn’t know what to do with a black movie, i admired his moxie. i wasn’t surprised by the news, since i’m a black person who follows pop culture, but i liked that lucas was fired up about it.

that said, i didn’t necessarily agree with the whole “if you don’t see this, then nobody will make a movie with black people ever again!!” scare tactic. i mean, what are studios going to do, cancel all of the movies with 2 or more black people coming down the pike? nobody paid to see soul plane in the theaters and somehow precious got made. also, that studios said no to george lucas seemed to blow his mind the most. thirdly, jar jar binks.

but whatever - good on him for letting everyone know how hollywood gets down…

until i realized that lucas isn’t the director. this guy is. anthony hemingway. this is his first feature film. before this he directed episodes of CSI:NY and treme. (also the episode of community where shirley and chang hook up, which, come on now…)

why did i not find out that the director of red tails was a young black man making his directorial debut until the day the movie came out? why has it only been george lucas’ big shiny mug all over the place? if he cared so much about the future of black cinema, why didn’t he have hemingway do some of the press with him, introduce him to the world?

(other questions: how does someone who has only done relatively sedate television shows suddenly get a big budget action movie dripping in special effects? did lucas basically hire a figurehead? UH, YA THINK?)

and don’t get me started on aaron mcgruder working on the screenplay.

whatever. the beat is hot, though.

from a yahoo story about demi moore’s upcoming interview in next month’s harper’s bazaar:

…Moore said; “What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me…and that I wasn’t wanted here in the first place.”

if demi moore feels this way, then how should i feel?
(a) happy that i’m not alone
(b) sad that anyone should feel this way
(c) skeptical that she’s baring her soul to a magazine (shouldn’t she be saying this to a close friend or a therapist?)

I am seeking a nerdy woman with low self esteem who wears glasses, has a great body and great sexual appetite but considers herself unattractive or told that you were unattractive. This is a fetish of mine and I want to live it out…

okay, i think we can let that whole “nerd” thing go now.

(also, i pretty much meet this dude’s criteria - except for considering myself a nerd and having a “great” body - but there’s no way i would hook up with somebody who has this as a fetish. my self esteem ain’t THAT low. ten bucks says this dude is a serial killer.)

it’s 5:30am and i am fired up. hoo boy, am i fired up. i just read this article in the ny times and it’s one of the dumbest things i’ve ever read in my life. IN MY LIFE.

it’s about trying to come up with an original name for your child in this internet age. parents are coming up with possibilities and immediately googling them to check for negative connotations. okay, that in itself is not a bad idea. if you want to give your child a name that’s off the beaten path (like, say, shalewa niambi) then you should do the research. you may think carrion is an interesting variation of the name carrie, but you’re basically calling your daughter a dead animal carcass. so please, google that shit.

but here is where the article takes a ny times-like turn, i.e. the first-est of first world problems. and i quote:

But too little research can backfire, too. Deborah Goldstein, 43, and her partner, Gabriella Di Maggio, thought they had chosen unique names for their boys: Levi and Asher. To be sure, they checked the Social Security Administration’s list of most popular baby names. Neither was in the top 100…

But shortly after the couple moved to South Orange, N.J., in 2006, they had a rude awakening. While waiting at an ice cream parlor, they heard a woman shout “Asher!” at a different boy.

“It was two other Jewish lesbian moms with a child of the same name,” Ms. Goldstein said. Google had let her down. “It didn’t tell us it’s a unique name unless you move to a neighborhood outside New York City where other trendy Jews are moving, too.”

really? so did they just leave the kid at the ice cream parlor rather than deal with the shame of being yet another trendy jewish lesbian couple with kids and an internet connection?

speaking of kids and the internet:

The next thing Ms. Pollak did, of course, was to Google it. “One of the Web sites said Chloe means little green shoots, and we liked that,” Ms. Pollak said. Chloe it was. They even registered their unborn child’s first and last name as a domain name and signed her up on Tumblr, Twitter and G-mail.

The Kaslofskys wish they had had that foresight. When they Googled Kaleya in 2009, there were only a few relevant results. But since then, the parents of another child named Kaleya have started posting videos of that little girl’s adventures on YouTube, with titles like “Kaleya Makes a Snow Angel” and “Kaleya Runs From a Wave.”

Ms. Kaslofsky is miffed. “Things have changed in the last three years,” she said.

you are all officially the worst people ever.

out of curiosity, i just googled my first name. i’m aware that it’s a fairly popular nigerian name. the first two results are my rooftop comedy profile and this tumblr. [sorry about that, other shalewas.] third is a song by danny young, a nigerian pop singer. but get this - the sixth result is this: a webpage for a woman who has my first & middle names, only switched. and instead of being “miffed,” i’m fascinated. the world is bigger than your fucking mommy & me play group, you idiots.

from the wikipedia page for marvin gaye’s “stubborn kind of fellow”:

When Phil Spector first heard Stubborn Kind of Fellow he was so excited he lost control of his car while driving down Sunset Boulevard with Jack Nitzsche.

ohhhh-kay.

i was just checking out what netflix had for me - i let it do all of my thinking. (outsourcing!) there was a row of possible comedies & six descriptors that i could check to mix & match, letting the wise netflix brain (a Mr. Al G. Rhythm) find the perfect movie..

the six descriptors:
strong women
goofy
raunchy
witty
feel-good
satire

so the first one i check is satire - and strong women is immediately greyed out. meaning there’s no comedy that netflix can think of that’s a satire with strong women, so it just removed that choice from the table. and if netflix says it doesn’t exist, it doesn’t exist. sorry, independent video stores!

i kept clicking, trying to get a satirical flick with strong dames, but no dice. after a minute, netflix decided it had had enough and it reloaded, replacing strong women with crime.

that’s how my tuesday night is going. what’s up with you?

sometimes the shit i find on this job, man…

okay. first i gotta ask - did you make it through the whole thing? did you even click on it? if not, please try to do so. i sat through all four minutes and i am getting ready to tear it a new one. join me, won’t you?

(1) THIS SONG AIN’T FUCK YOU. as much as you guys tried, from the vaguely retro sound and “racy” chorus to the simple, easy-to-read lyrics video (thanks for that, by the way), this is a weak, 4th generation copy with no toner attempt at that beloved new classic. and do you know why it’s a beloved new classic? because the song - maybe not the specifics, but the GENERAL SUBJECT MATTER - is relatable to almost everyone. you see your ex with somebody else and you’re like, “fuck you.” boom. all ages get that. but complaining because the vagina you’re used to fucking feels larger after a hiatus?? that ain’t for everyone, kid - like, say, the girls who buy your songs & scream for you as if you’re a sex symbol. which reminds me…

(2) YOU AIN’T CEE-LO. look, i’m not missing the cheekiness factor. but if you’re gonna sing something truly RIDONKULOUS, then you should probably have the chops for it. cee-lo green is almost ALL CHOPS. you, lloyd, have a serviceable voice for smoothed out jams like get it shawty, but you barely make it through lay it down before i want to hand you a mug of hot tea & lemon & honey. frankly, you don’t quite have the IT needed to pull off this song, so quit trying to throw some michael jackson - style theatrics at me. i ain’t buying it.

oh, and andre three stacks? you should be ashamed. c’mon, son.

(3) YOUR PUSSY??!?!? well then, here’s the bill for care & upkeep. i wish a muthafucker WOULD come at me with this crap. how about this - sorry your penis isn’t as big as you’d hope. also, pussies are stretchy, so unless your girl can’t keep in a tampon (and wait until you see how much that shit costs - it’s all detailed on the bill i handed you) i don’t think you’re able to tell. maybe it feels different from your hand or a fleshlight or whoever you fucked while on the road that’s making you come back and accuse me of cheating so that you can let yourself off the hook. i ain’t new to this. in fact, let me smell yo dick.